--- after office hours ---

Nov 24, 2008

Feelings....

It's getting emotionally draining these days.
I think about many things...things that I shouldnt be tied down with at this time in the night, but as I look at it, I cant help but think, I can be so transparent.

Who actually sees me?
Who cares?

I feel so minute sometimes.
Like you feel part of something, but yet that thing dont belong to you.

It's like gatherings, you go for gatherings only to be there for the sake of being there.
Many a times, I look forward to gatherings, but gatherings usually dont turn out how I hope they would be.

Maybe I am the kind that likes to call alot of pple for gatherings (afterall, what's a gathering without pple), but I dont mingle well in huge groups.

Maybe Elaine and me are similar in this way. Heee...
Perhaps that's why Lamerz has always stayed the size it is.
Perhaps that's why I have so much feelings about recent gatherings.
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps....

Well,I think I did mention about this topic about 2 years ago...and I almost forgotten about it until I really sat down and reflected on the recent happenings and the new pple that I meet at work and the older friends after we have all started work.

Disclosure.
It's like a balance.
When you put weights on one side, you need to put weights on the other side before it is balanced.
In any relationship,you need both parties to put yourself out there...
There's no point in one talking alot, about their own feelings and the other person listening and not giving their inputs...
It's not about fairness, it's about sharing and letting the other person know how you feel about the topic that he/she is talking about.
Well, at least this is what I think.

Everyone wants to know that what they are saying is being accepted by at least one person. They want to know that their input is valuable. They want to know that they are worth something.

I love talking to pple who loves to share.
I love talking about deep topics.
Probably that's why I am quiet at huge grp gatherings...

I really felt much better when the 3 of us stayed for awhile to talk more.
That was a much better experience than mingling ard, in fact...

There and then, I got to know myself better.

Left a note at 2:21:00 AM