--- after office hours ---

Jun 21, 2009

Time and again...

Time and again, I try..
Time and again, I fail...

It's getting siannnn...

Somehow, life just seems to revolve ard boring work.
Work is not as interesting anymore.

Left a note at 11:39:00 PM

Jun 5, 2009

Someone once said...

I just thought of something that one of my friend said...
And this sentence is enough to prove some things that are bothering me now.

It was my JC chalet.
We had planned to celebrate one fren's bdae.
And I was close to the birthday giel and thus was appointed to bring her away from the chalet so that other frens could prepare the stuffs.
But the birthday girl was watching her regular 7pm serial.
I had to drag her out and she was reluctant. I forgot how I managed to convince her to take a walk to the reception with me to wait for some 'fren' whom I know will not be coming until later, but she didnt...

So after we loitered ard for 20mins, I brought her back to the chalet and we celebrated her bdae.

That night, she came and talked to me.
She said she wasnt very surprised, because she had expected something to happen the moment I tried to drag her out.

I asked why.
She answered that I was acting very strangely, making her do things that she didnt want to. And I only do this when I have really good reasons.

I smiled.

Left a note at 1:40:00 AM

I am tired...and not very happy...

Emotions caught the better of me.

I am sad because I just realised that for the past few years, I had been deceiving myself. I always thought that we have not drifted apart,only to find out yesterday that we are worlds apart.

I am sad because I realised that I have been so selfish...thinking that pple would like surprises and things would go the way I had expected them to be, but when they dont, I get upset with them. And it's not even their fault, because they are not aware of the surprise.

I am sad because I think that the good will be rewarded, and I just realised that this is nvr the case.I get upset when something has been planned and in the end, only to realise that no time has been allocated for it, only to realise that pple are not obliged to allocate time for you coz they have their own priorities.

I am sad because I feel I had just lost someone that I had been so comfortable with, someone that I felt can share all my thoughts with.

I am sad because I thought so much and all of them turn out to be wrong...And I cant change the way I am built to think.

Maybe Missy was right....
I think too much...but is it for my own good?
But I cant help not thinking.

Maybe Jiewen was also right...
I always have problems...I might be the only problem, not other pple.

Maybe Theresa is right...
We are all too planned to be spontaneous again.

I dun even feel like pretending to be happy anymore.

Left a note at 1:08:00 AM